Kingdom Of Castle Peak

will try to write something out tomorrow. . . though there isn't that much to think about what to write, but my mind is seriously drained and dead. Somehow it's already considered weird to be awake at this time already, MIND OVER BODY!! MIND OVER BODY!!

Is this considered a pre-warning weather of what is to come in the coming week. With the monsoon season hitting us, thunderstorms and showers are to be expected and definitely worth preparing for. With field camp just tomorrow, and after checking the week's forecast of weather, I've to prepare to get wet and stay in the field. Wish me luck to go through it without much obstacle, coming back safely in one piece!! =D While I might make it sound very serious like that, don't have to worry too much though. I'll be make it through!! I'm sure!

Understand, i used to think that understanding someone isn't that hard, and with time and effort spent to know more about one's experiences, things will be better everyday as there shouldn't be a day where it's the same as what you will go through. You might be going to the same lesson, but what is going through your head during it will definitely be different. I think maybe more time, alot more effort on my part is needed to understand you better. When you're hurt, I want to know and see what i'm able to do to make the situation better.

Started out kinda strange and weird in the beginning, but after a while things settled down and all it takes is just to step up and have a nice friendly smile to beautify the mood of the day. Enjoying every moment spent going with and against the wind, feeling the sharp pain every fall you did, and of course hope you feel the same way too! Thinking back, 3 more weeks before a break from training, something worth looking forward to. I am!! Are you? =)

Back home from a recovery week of training in camp, though we did had a SOC trial and IPPT test to clear before heading over to Singapore Discovery Center for a visit to the Army Museum.

Earlier this week was mostly having lectures, or doing some practises on the obstacles we had to clear that caused most of our hands to have serious blisters, and also having recovery stretches and rest in between the days of the week. But what's the exchange rate for it, is to be able to clear all the obstacles in SOC in SBO and at least a PASS in IPPT on Friday, or else it's coming back on a Saturday morning for some training before being able to book out again. When i heard the news about it, honestly i was afraid that i won't be able to clear something that will cost me to come back camp for weekend training, and just the slightest thought of it made me become very careful and ensuring that i recover fast enough to perform for the upcoming test for the week.

Somehow, i managed to scrap through the full gear SOC trial during the mid-week and getting just enough rest for today's IPPT. Finally managed to score a SILVER grade, with more improvements to be expected though looking back to the 1st week when i just enlisted, when i only managed a FAIL just missing out some time for the PASS! Although i also managed to slice out another minute for my 2.4km run this time round, but if i'm supposed to be feeling happy about it, looking at the rest of my detactment doing just as well or even better, with the disappointed look at my DI. . I guess it affected me alot why i couldn't just push myself a little more to get a faster timing. But whatever it is, i went at least 80-90% of my MAX after about 10 weeks of trainings or so! So the improvement is hopefully good enough to carry on, afterall the next week will be spent in the field somewhere out there for field training, so yeah hopefully i make it through!!

. . . . . . Time ticks down, flies so fast. 3 more weeks before i'm done with my BMT phrase, can't wait to get out of this shitty low life! Days pass, time pass, life goes on, everyday, everywhere, everytime no matter how tired i'll be from the trainings, just the thought of recieving something from you made everything worth! Sometimes i thought if maybe, just listening to your voice for a min or so would made the night even sweeter. But i know it's not possible all the time, perhaps i'm just a simple man with simple thoughts. Being stuck in camp not knowing what's happening on the outside makes me worry alot, alot more than i wonder if i can concentrate on trainings. But somehow i always get some reassurance, yet i can't fully keep that faith. Maybe this phrase 'once bitten twice shy' has taught me not to be over confident, till the point i'm losing confident so easily. I'm scared!! Maybe one day i will be scared of everything, the world might just crumble down, CRUSHED and DESTROYED, nobody cares anyway right? `cause life goes on, the world still spins! I want to understand and feel your pain, not just your joy. . . but if hiding your pain makes you comfortable, den i shall not force cause there's no point in forcing you doing something you don't like or not comfortable with. But deep down, i sense the pain!

50th day, doesn't seem any special or have any particular reason, i just wanna enjoy every moment, time, day, hour, minute, second spent together! That's the best i can ask of now!

Long weekend break again. But it should be the final long weekend break to look forward, and in need of a well deserved rest before going through 3 hectic weeks of trainings before the final lap of Basic Military Training(BMT) life in army. Side track a little, remembering what our detachment was discussing about completing 8 weeks plus of training in army already, if not including the first 4 weeks of physical training, We should be looking forward to our Passing Out Parade(POP) already. With that being said, my POP will be held on the 10th of Sept (10/09/09) which is about exactly 4 weeks of trainings more to go. Shall not start a debate whether it's a short or long time left before that, but at least a date to be looking forward to with my whole detachment and of course as a Platoon together as one.

Did our Detachment Challenge before booking out last Friday, something that only our unit does with every batch of trainees that is not done in the other side of our main island. In short, its the ultimate test of Physical, Mental, Emotion, Teamwork and many more attributes together as a Detachment where one can actually see for himself about each and everyone strengths and weaknesses!! Honestly, I really managed to observe each and everyone's positive and negative attributes within my newly formed detachment. Since last time back in Poly days, or even those days in Secondary school days, I always believe that humans are able to hide their true self very well, and that the only way of bringing one's TRUE weakness is by draining out one's physical, mental and as the test attempts to break down oneself into despair and show out their true colors. It's only then where one will not be able to hide their true identity they have been managed to conceal to many for so long. Truth to be said, I wasn't very satisfied nor happy halfway through the first stage of the challenge already. Even though we are a newly formed detachment, and it will take a while more to blend in together as one, the morale of the team is strong on the outer surface so weak that it just take a small injury or mistake to break the whole detachment's spirit. I did whatever i could in my own abilities during the challenge, and working towards the goal of completing the challenge together so no hard feelings about it though i still didn't feel good after we complete the challenge in 3 hrs 20+ minutes. Overall result wasn't as expected, we only managed to get a 2nd place detachment award but everyone was a winner as all completed this tough challenge together as a company. So still must congratulate everyone that took part in the challenge, and of course not forgetting those who helped to make it happen!!

Ahhh... I feel nowadays my confident level seems to always be on the low side, be it from camp, life and many more. My mind wonders, wonder so much till I don't feel that good at all sometimes. I know myself to be a very VERY confident person, and i portray myself to be one also, but how come i feel like I'm losing it so much at a fast pace that i can't control my emotions and thoughts very well!! What's seems to be the problem with me. I'm perfectly fine now, i know i am, just losing some confidence so getting a little nervy perhaps due to the fact that I'm a very confident person. What will make one confident?! Is usually due to the fact that in this mind the person knows very clearly the result of the situation or is able to get the best outcome, knowing for a fact that he/she is able to complete whatever is on his/her mind. Being able to have all this positive thinking in the mind, one can only get confident about oneself, which is what i feel is how i really feel most of the time. Just that nowadays, the predictions coming from my thoughts, straight from my mind isn't very good or as what i would expected it to be, so losing confidence from there. Maybe some goals in life are just too far away to reach, suddenly i'm filled with so many maybes, perhaps and wonders. . . So much so I'm feeling down this few days, though i don't think many will be able to sense it but i think i bottled for too long already that i feel i just have to write it down to release it from within.

I'm not ready to face the reality of the world now, I'm just NOT READY!! I'm afraid of what is to happen, or what may happen. . . all the uncertainty is making me feel uneasy! I don't feel secured anymore, constantly living in fear. . . why do i feel so weak all around! Something is wrong but I myself also don't know what's going wrong with me. Life just doesn't seem as colorful as it is anymore. . . All that is helping me motivate is you,

. . . your smiles is all that is needed to make the day feel well spent,
. . . your happiness is what makes me stronger day by day,
. . . your every second spent together recharge my inner self,
. . . your messages are what that makes my day bright,
. . . you are like everything i connect everyday,
. . . so much now i'm losing myself,
. . . that i'm on my knees enjoying every moment

from all the bitter, sweet, and sour days! =)

Ferguson.36.04.07.09

Weekends are finally here eh. . which also means that my 7 days break from training due to fever is also coming to an end already! Missing out an entire week of training, now wondering how much do i need to play catch up with rest that were attending training. Staying home all day long not contributing much isn't a very good idea as well, that at times i wonder maybe being back in camp for training would be better than just sitting in front of the computer screen watching drama series!! Though i did managed to complete watching the Prison Break series, and Gundam 00 season II within the 7 days given to me.

Starting next week, most likely we would be gearing ourselves for the upcoming field camp at Tekong in the following week. So should be expecting a lot of field trainings in the afternoon, with all the usual regime in the morning and evening before meal time! Though i kinda miss all the trainings, so really can't wait to get back to training with the rest of the guys and hopefully i won't lack behind too much! PS: There is already quite a bit for me to catch up with them le, and time is running out to get myself in shape for the final test!

I'm beginning to wonder, what am i doing in my life?! Somehow i can't see myself working towards any short or long term plans, as maybe it time to start planning ahead for a better, brighter future. But something is holding me back, I can't seem to work it out alone, my mind wonder whether i'm doing the right thing or not. No one knows what will happen in the future, but doesn't mean i shouldn't bother about it cause i can work towards the future of my dreams. Four more days. . . looking forward to it!

And so another 48 hours passed. . . Pretty much recovered myself except some random headaches and irritating cough. That's what you get after cooping myself at the bed, without leaving it unless going for meal, eat medicine or natures' call!! There really isn't much things you can do while you're sick as well, so it's just my laptop at my side accompanying me with msn, streaming animes, reading news online, blogging like this or just playing music till i sleep. If you do realize that exercising hasn't been part of my 3 days staying at home, so in this evening later today i should be trying to go for some short runs near my house to start up my still recovering body!! If not when i get back camp after this week, I'm going to die from all the trainings with all the catch up trainings i need to do as well!!

Also, will like to thank everyone for their well-wishes for my recovery. Though most of the time everyone is asking me how to get the 7 days MC cause they want it as well!! I wonder, is that 7 days MC that useful at all? If you're just not feeling well, you won't get 7 days break in the first place eh? and so if you're not feeling well already, it's quite a torture you know? not including the ten tablets I have to put inside myself after every meal! Maybe when it's ever your turn, den you will know how it feels!! =)

If I've been at home for the past 3 days, means I'm out of camp for the same duration as well. Wonder how the range went?! did everyone get their marksmanship already, or waiting for me to join them?! xD Either way, hopefully everyone is well and getting ready to come out today since tomorrow have some meet the parent session either in the morning or afternoon! Mine will be during the afternoon, but not sure if I should be going down or not since I'm still on MC though I'm much better le!!

Since I'm already at my 7 days of break, i hope it's will be a worthwhile break!! One that i can fully utilize, recharge myself before going back for the final phrase of training already where it will only going to get tougher, but it's all part and parcel of the deal!! Just 2 months of trainings, it's never going to be easy to go through it, i understand!! My mind is full of thoughts, that the day is coming where i will put on my thinking cap to ensure it will be unforgettable even though i'm not 100% health yet!!♥

I'm back home just one day after reporting back to camp! Though i wasn't 100% ready to report back to camp initially, and knowing the importance of the upcoming live firing range, i supposed having a good rest back in camp will be better! Woke up early to get ready, still wasn't feeling that good, worse is the temperature was still hanging around 37.2°C. I told myself to push myself to the limit throughout the range until I know I'm not in the condition to carry on the shoot, since it's live firing so better not take any chances risking anything!!

Managed to carry on for all the day shoot, until after dinner, when i took my temperature it rises until 38.6°C that left my Supervising Officer no choice but to send me straight to the Medical Center for treatment. Though i know that I'm still able to pull through for the night shoot, but if the temperature keep going up, i don't think anyone will be willing to take any responsibility especially with H1N1 cases on the rise as well! On the way to the Medical Center, I was already mentally prepared to get the 7 Day Attend C status from the doctor, which will mean that I'll be missing out the whole week of activities. But I already gave myself a whole day to try and recover already, since it's not going to recover in time, I also have no choice have to accept doctor's 7 days MC and loads of medication.

With my departure, our room which started out with 8 men. Now left with 3, who will be the sole survivor! Who is going to Outwit, Outlast, Outplay!! LOLx, of course that was just a joke about the survivor thingy! Hopefully the last 3 guys in our room will stay healthy and complete the week without any problem! The rest of us will be back in action as soon as we are able to! Rock on' Det Two!

And so, Recovery Day 1.

Being sick means confined to the bed and room, resting as much as possible. But definitely getting better already, with at least 10 tablets to be placed inside my body after every meal, if things doesn't get any better it would only mean more tablets to be placed inside!! But not to worry la, trust the medical doctor inside camp as they are all certified doctors from hospital that are serving their two years of NS, with at least many years of experience in the field of expertise! To everyone who is affected, get well soon and back to normal life!!

Perhaps as you get older isn't that great after all. I still remember back in my Secondary school day where our daily routine was just reaching school by 7.25am and waiting for it to end at around 1pm. Listening in class, preparing for tests and exams was all that is within my worries. Once at home, I'm free to do whatever i like, go wherever i want. Back then with so little worries, I was hoping that I get older soon so as to do things adults are able to do when i can't. Recalling all the times when my buddies and I sneak in to the cinema watching all the NC-16, M-18 and even R-21 shows all the years. Now, any upcoming movies with whatever ratings won't bother me, having drinking session with friends, driving on the road and many more cause I'm no longer bothered by the age limit. I'm not complaining about all the responsibility because I was already ready for this day to appear since my younger days already, but just that i realized that by then, I'm fearless pretty much about anything in life be it wealth, health, relationship, etc. Nowadays, maybe with the fact that I'm inside camp most of the time for training, I don't feel so secured as much! To be honest, I feel the fear creeping in over any little things even if they can't be controlled by me, now i know why people will rather remain during their younger days as that is when you are really carefree without much worries in life! If it's not going to be easy for me when I'm inside camp having training, I know that it's also not going to be easy for you as well. . . I'll always have you in my mind!


Ahh, something to share with everyone. . . Parody of Wonder Girls "Nobody"


Enjoy!

Ahhh, been about two weeks long since I'm able to sit in front of the computer with enough time to type out one entry. Gotta say that the past two weeks has been a quick short break, before heading back to camp. Like this week, have to report tomorrow at 2130hrs.

Already going to the 3rd week of training, so the pace of trainings are going faster and faster each day, and of course not only the pace as even the requirements for every trainings also started to increase already! Shall not say it's that tough like what many people thinks, still quite manageable in some sense though it's going to go beyond what i can manage soon i think. With just about 6 effective weeks left, everything is a rush, but still part and parcel of the lowest point my military life. While before you start thinking life in there is bad, i would add on by saying life in there is not that bad already, compared to previous years! Of course I'm still quite away from the outside world often, with the only form of communication being my mobile phone, the time to even use it nowadays is pretty short, as they also start to stack up many task to complete before the start of the new day!

Hmmm, while there is H1N1 virus spreading around Singapore though things are being monitored and the situation is contained pretty well as well, there's is some kind of fever virus spreading among us inside camp, my platoon itself already have 12 cases of fever case cause as the measure to prevent to H1N1 virus, for as long as you have a fever case of 37.0 and above, you will be subjected to a 7 days MC rest at home! While many will feel it will be a good opportunity to try and get this extra 7 days rest at home, getting it now with such a rush pace will only make you miss out so many trainings which might affect the overall performance in BMT that will require you to re-take it if the situation goes from bad to worse. So everyone, whether in camp or outside, do take good care of yourself, keeping your immune system high at all times so as not to fall sick!! =)

Haven't been able to have much photos time, so everyone got to bear with wordy post for now. Pictures will start to be posted up if there is any major events coming up, and also our National Day is just right around the corner! So wishing our nation an advance Happy 44th Birthday, always improving and ever growing!!

"When you know what you want, and you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get it!"

No matter how tough the trainings get, once i come back to my bunk and open up my cupboard, just the view at it will make all the suffering worth while and spur me to work my best during my time in camp, so i can almost fully enjoy myself during the short little breaks from training week in, week out. Was released earlier yesterday as the new guys finally ended their 2 weeks confinement stint, so the only thing that came out of my mind was to come back as a surprise, so came home quickly and went out shortly after that. Adrian called me, and went over to catch up with him since he was around there as well, thought he was still having his Ops. After all, it was great to see him again after a while since i went in already, so managed to share our experiences!

I used to have this thinking that if I'm around, it doesn't matter if as even if i only had a second to take a look, it's enough! For the next two months at least, my weekly routine should be 6 days of training with just 1 day of break outside, so time is short. . . and as time passes i miss baby more and more, so much to say here, but can't find a suitable way of putting it across now! Shall just treasure every second i have, and everything else will be a bonus given to me=)

Currently coughing quite badly, but i should be alright in a while.. ... shall end off here!! Time to rev the engine and get it started already!!!

Time flies, yes! time flies when you're having fun. The long weekend granted by OC due to good performance for the IPPT test was something that isn't the tradition of the way in Commandos, but this change is definitely something much welcomed by the trainees as we will savor any breaks from the trainings at any point of time. After all, such treats aren't given much in the first place once the actual commandos training start from this week onwards.

~" What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! "

About 8 more hours before reporting back to camp for another new change made by the OC, which is also something well accepted by the trainees as we will have at least 2 nights out at home. After all, the effect the OC wants is that we will be able to get the best rest out of the deal, and that we will in turn give our 101% for every training for the week!! If things progress well, it will stay like this. . .

~" Tough times don't last, Tough men do! "

Tough trainings is to be expected with the incoming batch of trainees joining us this coming week, but like what the above quote says, it's going to be my motto to move on and make the best out of it. To be able to push to my next level of limit, isn't going to take just myself, but with the help I'm able to draw out just by looking at it every single morning when i wake up, I'll do my best and give my all during trainings so as to enjoy every moment, seconds when I'm out! =) Saw this quote while shopping at J8 during the long weekend, wanted to get it but only left the display set so shall just wait a while longer for the stock to arrive! Meanwhile,

~" It's time for me to say, when we're together or apart, I'm always thinking of you as you have my THOUGHTS, my LOVE, my HEART! "

Shall end off by replying some of the tags before i forget to reply again!!

@ Daniel: Ok ok, will try to link up when i post this up!! Enjoying yourself in MC?!! xD

@ chunhui: haha, what's so sad about it!! I know what you are thinking about, but no worries!! Like what the above quotes says, tough time don't last, so keep going and enjoy the fruits of the success after that=)

@ boey: ohh>.
@ jingting: <3? haha.. =) i agree with feng, cannot vote for yourself, so it's back to 2 - 0 hor? haha!! it's okay la!! actually both pictures looks the same, just mine has better colors!! =DD

@ JUNNN!: Oh yeah!! Sure thing, trainings are going to start serious now, so whenever time allows i'll buzz if you don't =)

@ weehong: hmm, you got good taste!! Smart choice!!

@ ah feng: Yes la!! with that, it's officially 2 votes to none=) Sad huh, only got 2 voters=) but good enough... later the difference too much den... wahahha!! Jiayou on editing k!! It really isn't that hard!! I'm serious!! =DD

Couldn't think of a suitable word for the title, so shall just leave it as blank unless i thought of something else to replace it. Maybe have been out of touch with the computers and words that i can't think of words nowadays.

And so, spend my Friday heading back to school for some FC6 food, a relaxing swim at the pool and just nice attending DMIT Annual General Meeting. It was great to see everyone back in school, having the usual fun and laughter during club events. Plus, this time round, everyone was eager to look at my botak head. But i just shaved it few days back, so didn't really like the idea of letting the whole world take a look at it, but somehow or rather i think it's quite obvious la, just didn't manage to see it front view=) So for those who had the benefit to look, be honored!! =)

Throughout the time there, there was this strange mixed feelings surrounding me. This feeling that makes me felt so lost, so... out of place suddenly. Maybe plus i was tired after the swim, i suddenly wanted to be alone and take a good look at my school. Breathing the fresh air, this usual freshness i get every day for 3 years, somehow things just doesn't feel the same anymore. I don't know how to explain it, but i doubt i will have too much time to be back in school again for the next 6 months, today's possibility was really by God's grace that i was able to come back and witness the AGM.

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Some pictures, random ones taken from Esplanade roof few weeks back.


Withering Tree at the Roof! the background wasn't ideal, but well. I tried!


One random shot from where i was sat at, probably the only eye-catching thing available from that point of view.


First attempt on macro. . .


Decided to take the overall picture of it as well.


#1 Taken by the yours truly. . .


#2 She tried it as well. . .

Which is better #1, or #2? tag on the board and let me know. A lucky winner will get a dinner treat from me!!! So, what are you waiting for, start voting. Once per person!

Expectations. . . are like goals/aims in life. Either you increase or lower it according to the situation that responds to it. Not sure what i'm talking about here since it's typed without much thought to it! But the general idea is there, i think i won't regret whatever i done so far in life. Never did, Never will <3!!